i want to use the community tab more, as of late life has been so full, there's no money to spend, no inspiration, things just float by. i can't cry, its been so long, there's not been a reason to. i told myself many times it was positive to not feel anything, at the time i felt that way, i'd rather feel anything else but sadness, i hated going to bed in my messy room and feeling tears run down like my face was a broken down faucet. i am not creative, nor smart or gifted in any way.
maybe it was been so long since i enjoyed life without nicotine or money that i forgot the joy of life, no matter for how long i hug my mother, i still get scared and everything that came up to this point flashes in my head, like a boxing match going on and each punch is a different memory